My knee was very stiff this morning and barely bent at all when I got up. I put ice on it while on the CPM machine and was able to get it to bend to 85 degrees, but when I did my exercises and tried to bend it on my own I could barely get it past 25 degrees without pain.
I've been thinking that the reason my knee feels like a dead weight is the nerve trauma from the surgery. The nerves around my knee were sliced and shoved around during the procedure and many of them have, hopefully only temporarily, lost the connection to my brain. I don't always know where my knee is in relation to the alignment of my leg (if that makes any sense). It's a weird sensation. The nerves that still work tell me I should be feeling something in the affected area, but I don't. This becomes most obvious and concerning when I am trying to roll over in bed and / or walking around without the brace.
Which leads me to my other loss of nerve. I have spent the last 23 years being afraid of my knees. I was told by my previous surgeon and my mother that my knees were delicate and had to be coddled (as much as you can a leg joint). I was told no sports where I would be moving my knee side to side and stressing my ligaments. No skiing, basketball, volleyball, tennis, rock climbing, bike riding, running, surfing, etc. I was forever wary of falling and damaging my knees. Anytime I did fall on my knee an MRI shortly followed. I remember after a fall in my early twenties where my mother picked me up and drove me to an emergency MRI before I had even seen a doctor. Basically, it was drummed in my head to try to live my life, but treat my knees like they were made of glass. Snow, which I loved as a child, started to terrify me - all I could see was slipping and falling. Activities I wanted to try were ruled out based on knee impact.
And now I wonder if I'm not progressing as quickly as I should out of fear. Last time I was in a cast for six or eight weeks, this time Dr. Williams may take me out of the brace on Monday and I am terrified of doing something that will damage my knee. I can't do hydrotherapy until my incision is healed and I can't even seem to get a clear answer on when that will be. The tape put on after the stitches were removed is barely loose, much less ready to fall off.
Well, I see Dr. Williams on Tuesday. I need to write down my list of questions and issues. Plus figure out what to where that can cover PT in the morning, doctors appointment and lunch with a friend. I suspect I may have to pack extra clothes for one or more of my engagements.
