Thursday, September 24, 2009

The "S" Word

I've had a week now to process. To get over the initial news and start figuring how to run my life for the next six months.

Part of me thought he would say surgery. I was seeing a surgeon after all, but I figured that was just my mind jumping to the worse case scenario. The more grounded part of me expected a brace and physical therapy. I have lived with these fragile knees and limitations on them since my last set of surgeries 23 years ago.

I was a teenager the last time a doctor said "knee surgery". Back then it was a lot more complicated, arriving in the hospital the day before, staying for a week, a cast for 8 weeks. Loss of feeling in the skin around my knee because of nerve damage, and years before I could fully bend my knee. I also lived with the post-surgical rules dictating my life to keep my knees safe. No bike riding, volleyball, basketball, tennis, basically any activity where I had to pivot my knees and risk re-pulling the ligaments was out.

And while I know that knee surgery these days is out patient, local anesthesia, no cast, physical therapy within a week, full recovery in about six months - you can see why I still approach this trepidation. Why I left the doctors office in shock. Plus, lets be honest, I suck at asking for help, so this is not going to be fun - especially the 2 weeks on crutches!

So, October 5th is the surgery date. A Tibial Tubercle Osteotomy and a Medial Patellofemeral Ligament Restoration. And I have to have an MRI to assess what I may have to have in the way of cartilage restoration and repair. Eleven days to get my loft crutch friendly, get any social and work gatherings done, stock up on easy food (though today I realized I have no idea how to get any cooked food from the kitchen to the living room couch or even the dining room table - does IKEA or Target stock any small tables with wheels?)

Eleven days to obsess and worry and think of "what if's". Eleven days until my life changes.