I have survived 17 days, that seems to be my limit. I'm cranky and starting to hate. I hate the bondage brace, I hate the way it feels like it's pinching my ankle, I hate the way it accentuates the fact that I can't feel parts of my foot, I hate the way it throws off my other hip and tightens my back muscles. I hate the limitations the surgery has put on my life. I hate to be forced to be cooped up inside. I hate being dependent on other people for even simple things like taking out the garbage. I hate that I'm only allowed to walk the equivalent of half a city block. I hate the fact that simple things like taking a walk (only a quarter of a block up my street and then back) tire me out so much that I have to take a rest after just coming down to the lobby before I even go outside. I hate the fact that such a short walk leaves me felling like I need a nap. I could go on, but I won't.
Jo and I went for a short walk outside this morning. We walked, or hobbled as the case may be, a quarter of the block and then stopped to chat with another neighbor before returning and having a good chat in the lobby. The sad part was I was already tired before I made it to the lobby just from hobbling the distance from my apartment door to the elevator. I who think nothing of walking 5 miles a day on assignments was tired by 50 or so feet and 4 steps.
Even seeing people and talking with friends has not been enough to lift the malaise of being incapacitated that has been creeping over me. I feel myself losing interest in books, movies, even work that I was so excited about having time to focus on three weeks ago. I'm not quite sure how to shake myself out of it and feel like I am going to start feeling needy very soon. I went so far as to ask my neighbors to book some baby time with their son, hoping that looking into his innocent, inquisitive face with help shake off this attitude.
I hate that I feel this way.
Jo and I went for a short walk outside this morning. We walked, or hobbled as the case may be, a quarter of the block and then stopped to chat with another neighbor before returning and having a good chat in the lobby. The sad part was I was already tired before I made it to the lobby just from hobbling the distance from my apartment door to the elevator. I who think nothing of walking 5 miles a day on assignments was tired by 50 or so feet and 4 steps.
Even seeing people and talking with friends has not been enough to lift the malaise of being incapacitated that has been creeping over me. I feel myself losing interest in books, movies, even work that I was so excited about having time to focus on three weeks ago. I'm not quite sure how to shake myself out of it and feel like I am going to start feeling needy very soon. I went so far as to ask my neighbors to book some baby time with their son, hoping that looking into his innocent, inquisitive face with help shake off this attitude.
I hate that I feel this way.
